My unexpected awakening

So how did I get this brilliant idea to let go of everything I had worked so hard to attain in order to wander free-spirited?

Here is an opportunity for full-disclosure that will make me intriguing/courageous to some and completely offensive to others, but I’m really trying to do this whole authenticity thing, so here it goes.

This life-altering realization of mine came through my first experience with MDMA.  Now, before some of you completely ignore the rest of this post because it involves a drug, let me tell you just a bit about myself.  I am someone that has always been the ‘good girl’, innocent, child-like, sheltered, you get the drift.  I never snuck out, broke curfew, nor even went to a house party.  I got ‘tipsy’ for the first time when I was a ripe 26 years old and got drunk for the first time when I was 32 years old.  My lengthy experience with drugs includes smoking weed for the first time when I was 27 years old.  Yes, that’s the extent of my lengthy experience.

I was incredibly curious and totally terrified when I decided to try MDMA.  I was with one of my dearest and oldest friends in a safe and quiet setting, where I knew I could let myself sink into the experience so I went with it.  I was scared of what I might uncover within myself, scared of what my body might feel like/go through, scared of not being in control.  But the curiosity far outweighed the fear and I’m thankful it did.

In those 12 hours that I was rolling, I saw the person that I am aside from sorrow, anxiety, and responsibilities.  I remembered the girl that is filled with laughter, brimming with love, and desires to be in awe on a regular basis.  I uncovered answers as to why I had been in certain relationships and where the meaning in my life was.  Two mornings later I was walking to my office and the trees still had that particular vibrance, and the air smelled just a bit sweeter than normal and with each step, this idea came to me a bit clearer.  Within that 15 minute walk, I realized that this beautiful life I had designed for myself was a picture perfect coffin.  I was confined, suffocating; and there was no way that I could do this for the next 30 years.

So on December 8th, 2016 I set forth the intention to wrap up my life over the next six months in order to both lose myself and find myself as I make the entire world my home.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Harnaam Kaur aka Tina says:

    Thank you for sharing your life so eloquently with us. May the experiences continue to unfold for you in the most beautiful way.

    Like

    1. Thank you for blessing me with your presence on my journey Harnaam; I carry my tribe with me wherever this Universe takes me ❤

      Like

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