So how did I get this brilliant idea to let go of everything I had worked so hard to attain in order to wander free-spirited?
Here is an opportunity for full-disclosure that will make me intriguing/courageous to some and completely offensive to others, but I’m really trying to do this whole authenticity thing, so here it goes.
This life-altering realization of mine came through my first experience with MDMA. Now, before some of you completely ignore the rest of this post because it involves a drug, let me tell you just a bit about myself. I am someone that has always been the ‘good girl’, innocent, child-like, sheltered, you get the drift. I never snuck out, broke curfew, nor even went to a house party. I got ‘tipsy’ for the first time when I was a ripe 26 years old and got drunk for the first time when I was 32 years old. My lengthy experience with drugs includes smoking weed for the first time when I was 27 years old. Yes, that’s the extent of my lengthy experience.
I was incredibly curious and totally terrified when I decided to try MDMA. I was with one of my dearest and oldest friends in a safe and quiet setting, where I knew I could let myself sink into the experience so I went with it. I was scared of what I might uncover within myself, scared of what my body might feel like/go through, scared of not being in control. But the curiosity far outweighed the fear and I’m thankful it did.
In those 12 hours that I was rolling, I saw the person that I am aside from sorrow, anxiety, and responsibilities. I remembered the girl that is filled with laughter, brimming with love, and desires to be in awe on a regular basis. I uncovered answers as to why I had been in certain relationships and where the meaning in my life was. Two mornings later I was walking to my office and the trees still had that particular vibrance, and the air smelled just a bit sweeter than normal and with each step, this idea came to me a bit clearer. Within that 15 minute walk, I realized that this beautiful life I had designed for myself was a picture perfect coffin. I was confined, suffocating; and there was no way that I could do this for the next 30 years.
So on December 8th, 2016 I set forth the intention to wrap up my life over the next six months in order to both lose myself and find myself as I make the entire world my home.