I decided to do what?! Part 2

That original cup of tea may be swapped out for a shot of whiskey before you proceed…

2014

  • My significant other continued to get sicker and sicker.  What was meant to be our first blissful year of married life was filled with confusion, pain, hurt, fear, blame, and pockets of immense love
  • Failed the licensing exam.. not once more.. but twice more.. (really, was that totally necessary?)
  • My partner’s health concerns became too much and I predominantly took over the finances for us (I’m sad to admit that I didn’t handle this particularly gracefully in the beginning).  I took many jobs (all at once) that chipped away at my spirit and health, one ice pick hit at a time, but we do what must be done when life requires it
  • New Years eve, I sat alone with my dad in a hospice room in South Dakota as he took his last breath

2015

  • With a village behind us, my sister and I planned our first funeral and tied up the thousands of loose ends of our fathers life
  • I passed my licensing exam (about damn time) and opened up my practice right away.  As I was still largely supporting myself and my partner, I had one thing in mind; make enough money so I can stop living in absolute terror of not being able to pay all the bills each month

2016

  • It was inevitable for my marriage to begin to buckle under the weight of our circumstances and by August, I had run out of all that I had.  I asked for the month to focus entirely on myself and by the end of the month, I had one of the hardest conversations of my life in which I had to look my partner in the eyes and tell my truth, that I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore.  Now, this isn’t to say that neither one of us tried.  We both tried throughout the entire duration of our relationship to make it work, but I reached the point where I had nothing left in me to give
  • Those living within the Bay Area know all too well that our housing market is RIDICULOUS.  Since I was still primarily supporting both of us, I literally couldn’t afford to pay for two places, so things eventually went from bad to worse because my new ex and I lived together for the next awful seven months in a one bedroom apartment (yes, it was every bit as terrible as you can imagine)

I wondered to myself if it is a wise idea to share so much of myself like this to whomever may read this.  What pushed me to do it is to show that I didn’t just wake up one day and decide to do life differently.  Life drop-kicked me, repeatedly, in the face, until I had to question everything and be honest about my own misery.  Once I stared at that misery, really felt it deep within the marrow of my bones, I was left with two questions:

“What are you going to do about it?” Followed by “Well, what do you really want?”

My next post describes vividly how I woke up to the misery I was in.

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